Lost Northern Star
by taivasmeri
Summary: Arrow drabbles. Mostly Olicity with some Team Arrow thrown in the soup. / Chapter 4: Donna Smoak comes to visit Felicity in Starling City and ends up meeting one Quentin Lance. (Also causing Felicity to get some grey hairs with inquiring who her boyfriend is.)
1. Lost Northern Star

_Hi everyone! I'm back as you can see. To all those of you joining in on the ride, if you'd like to, you can check out my previous story called Lights. Anyways, welcome, to the journey of madness. These are some drabbles I've written during this month after finishing Lights. 'Cause I'm so predictable, the work title is again from a song... this time from Tarja's 'Lost Northern Star'. This first chapter continues from 3x10 and is mostly about Felicity's feelings and thoughts. It's 2:00 a.m. here and I have no idea were this came from so I'm sorry for any mistakes if there are any._

_Some other songs I listened while writing this chapter: Antti Tuisku - Tyhjä huone; Tunturibiisi, Jenni Vartiainen - Missä muruseni on; Suru on kunniavieras, PMMP - Joutsenet; Lautturi, Tarja - Boy and the Ghost; Calling Grace_

_Disclaimer for this whole collection of drabbles: Disclaimed_

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><p>"<em>Oliver Queen is dead<em>."

Malcolm Merlin's words echo through Felicity Smoak's mind. They were on a constant loop that wouldn't stop no matter how hard she tried to not think those words.

She had wished… no, hoped for Oliver to win and come back home. Because she was so sure that he would come back no matter how beaten down, bruised and scraped. No, that wouldn't have mattered. What would have mattered was him coming back.

But he didn't. And now she's sitting in her bed, under the blankets, staring at nothing. She gulps down the rest of the wine she had generously poured into her glass before getting into bed.

After shutting the lights and leaving the Arrow Cave she had ignored every call and text message. When she had arrived home and tossed her purse on the counter carelessly, she had put her cell phone on silent.

There really was no crusade without him. He had been their Northern Star, guiding them all even during times when he himself had been lost.

Laurel had said that he could be alive but really, what seriously were the chances of him being alive after fighting the most dangerous man walking on Earth?

And then there was Ray, denying her the right to be concerned for him. Saying that she didn't know what Anna would want. Well then, good luck figuring out how to make his magical life-saving suit function because she wasn't going to help him kill himself when he had no idea at all what he was actually getting into. The world wasn't just Glades. It was so much bigger than that.

The world was teenage girls getting manipulated by their biological fathers to kill other women they knew and mothers raising their daughters after said daughters' fathers left them. It was lethal assassins threatening loved ones and friends-turned-maybe-something-mores.

The world they lived in was not Glades.

It was worse than Glades.

It kept getting ruined every day or so it seemed and it felt like there was nothing Felicity could do to make it even a little bit better. She could just put one foot after another, keep on going until she wouldn't have to see the empty rooms where Oliver had once walked in and then left this chaotic world. To see him on the other side, smiling that tiny smile she had always liked to think was a smile meant just for her.

But until then, she had to come up with a plan to make it through this all.

To honour him in any way she could and to maybe learn to live without turning around and always expecting him to be there.

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><p><em>Not beta'd, so all the mistakes are mine. Comment, give kudos, you know what to do if you've liked the story so far. If you have a prompt, drop it in my askbox on tumblr or in a review here or on ao3. I'm taivasmeri on all those sites.<em>


	2. I love you today more than ever before

_Hi guys & thanks for reading! I'm once again updating really late so yeah, sorry for all the typos if there are any 'cause I'm not sharp enough to spot all the typos while proofreading before posting. Songs I've listened to are going to be in the end notes from here on. The order of the songs isn't linked to the body of the chapter._

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><p>Light slowly begun to seep through the curtains, casting light all over Felicity's bedroom. The curtains weren't pulled over the windows properly so Oliver was able to see outside.<p>

Snow was falling silently, slowly, like it knew that it was Sunday morning and everything and everyone was more or less drowsy.

There was no need to rush anywhere, no Arrow business, no work, and Oliver was sure to cherish the chance he had been given to for once just stay in bed, under the slightly uncomfortably warm blankets.

He had been through so much over the past years but there was just something about the woman lying next to him that still made him smile a real smile. He knew that he was deeply in love with her but the deepness of those feelings he had for her still surprised him.

It was almost a year ago when he had disappeared and then come back from the death. Even though the transition from friends/somethings mores to partners in every meaning of the word had been fairly easy, the journey there hadn't been so easy.

They both had had their issues to deal with. Felicity became more closed off toward him since his return and couldn't trust him not to go and just throw his life away. Oliver… well, he had to deal with the whole Malcolm Merlyn is still very much alive and affecting Thea and oh, there's very possibly a league of highly trained assassins after him.

But when the time had arrived they had just blown away all their fears and insecurities because the time would never be exactly right because of what kind of lives they led but it was time where they were both on the same line and there were no more excuses to not give into what they both really wanted.

So that's how he was there, in Felicity's bed on a January morning. He let his fingers brush Felicity's bare back from the nape of her neck to her lower back. A small smile graced his lips when he noticed her shivering and he could see her skin raising on goosebumps in the wake of his barely there touch.

"G'morning", Felicity muttered to him, voice hoarse from the sleep and eyes still closed.

"Good morning indeed", Oliver whispered and kissed her on the lips.

When they finally broke apart in need of air, Oliver smiled at her and stated: "I love you."

Felicity stayed quiet for a little while, just looking at him with a pensive expression on her face.

When Oliver was going to ask her what was wrong, she opened her mouth and asked: "Does it bother you that I don't say those words that often?"

Oliver stared at her and tried to figure out where the question was coming from. "Am I bothered because… you don't say 'I love you' to me?"

"Well… yeah. I guess."

"No, Felicity, I'm not. I know that you love me even if you don't say it out loud. But you say it in so many other ways: in the simplest touch, a kiss, a word of comfort. So no, it doesn't bother me." Oliver said, his voice completely serious, and linked their hand together. Pressing a kiss on her knuckles, Oliver touched her chin with his other hand as a silent plea for her to look at him.

"You know that I don't have the best track record in keeping people close to me. It's like… I kinda think that if I say the words out loud too many times, you will leave me too. Maybe not right now but eventually in the near future." Felicity whispered and squeezed Oliver's hand.

"I know. And I understand why. And like I said, I'm okay with it as long as you let me stay close to you." Oliver kissed her forehead, similar to that time when he had left to fight the Head of the Demon. This time though it was a sign of promise. A promise of Oliver's where he assured her that he truly wasn't leaving her and he was there to stay.

They smiled to each other, content to just be there and snuggle under the blankets with no need to rush anywhere.

Outside the house snow fell silently, making the world whiter and brighter with each dropping snowflake.

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><p><em>Song list:<em>

_Antti Tuisku - Laske valot vaakaan_  
><em>Teleks - Tuulilasin nurkkaan<em>  
><em>Hans On The Bass - Loveshine<em>  
><em>Erin - Jos menet pois<em>  
><em>Johanna Kurkela - Rakkauslaulu<em>  
><em>Jenni Vartiainen - Minä sinua vaan<em>  
><em>Solju - Hold Your Colours<em>  
><em>PMMP - Rakkaalleni<em>

_(oh look here I go again with the Finnish songs again.. if you can't find any translations and would like one, message me and I can translate the lyrics for you.)_

_This probably isn't the best text I've written but I'd like to know what you thought of it._

_[Not beta'd, so all the mistakes are mine. Review, follow, you know what to do if you've liked the story so far. If you have a prompt, drop it in my askbox on tumblr or in a review here or on ao3. I'm taivasmeri on all those sites.]_


	3. There's no turning back(I've had enough)

_Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this drabble collection. This was written in the beginning of January when I thought that Laurel's most likely going to step up in the upcoming episodes and with how the writers are writing these character's, Oliver most likely wouldn't accept Laurel going out as the Black Canary. And I just really wanted Felicity to say some hard truths._

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><p>"Roy, there's a black van heading your way. The bad guys should be in that van", Felicity told Roy while her fingers flew across the keyboard.<p>

"Yeah, I see it. This should be easy", Roy muttered.

For a few minutes Felicity listened all the different noises coming through the comms. When Roy said with a little breathy laugh that the bad guys were waiting for SCPD to come and pick them up, Felicity released the breath she hadn't even realized she was holding.

"Okay then. I'll call Detec… Captain Lance and tell him where he can find his latest gift all prettily wrapped up. It's pretty late, you can head back", Felicity said absentmindedly while tapping her phone's call icon. Roy's only answer was a grunt and the hum of the motorcycle.

After she ended the call with Lance, Felicity checked in with Laurel over the comms.

"Stopped a few muggers and possible rapists so you gotta call back to my dad if you've already called about the guys Roy caught. Oh and remind me to give you that file you asked the other day. It's in my handbag so there's a very real possibility that I don't remember it's there 'cause I am exhausted. Seriously, this whole running around the city thing is fun and all but I am aching everywhere. But on the bright side I can eat pretty much whatever I want now… Speaking of which when are we going to go to that burger place you guys talk about sometimes? 'Cause I really…" Laurel rambled.

"Laurel", Felicity chuckled a bit, amused that the well composed lawyer was babbling. "I'll call your dad, come back to the lair, I'll remind you about the file."

"Oh, okay. See you soon then", Laurel said with a huff that seemed like a laugh and clicked the comm off.

When Felicity had updated Captain Lance, she set up some researched and then raised her hands above her head to stretch.

The comfortable silence of the lair was broken moments later when the beep of the door's lock echoed around. Felicity didn't bother turning to face the arriving person, instead leaning her head on her chair's back, closing her eyes.

"I forgot to mention earlier that Diggle ordered us to come to dinner to his and Lyla's place tomorrow… or today, whatever, you know what I mean. So you better not come up with any ridiculous excuses, Roy Harper. Laurel's gonna come too, so it's gonna be a team dinner."

"Am I invited too, then?"

Felicity turned the chair around as fast as she could, staring at the intruder who definitely wasn't Roy with wide eyes. She raised her hand on her ear and clicked her comm open.

"Roy?" Felicity whispered while staring at the person before her the whole time. When Roy once again answered with a grunt, she continued. "Can you hurry? I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating or not."

She heard Roy's worried voice, asking her what was wrong but she turned the comm off and begun mumbling: "This can't be possible… I must be seeing hallucinations and going crazy and oh god what am I going to do... " With a louder voice she said with a breaking voice "You are dead, you just can't be here."

Before the person could answer back, the lock beeped again and Roy ran down the stairs, stopping dead on his tracks when he noticed who was in the lair with Felicity.

"If you're hallucinating then so am I", he said to Felicity, walking slowly toward the person standing in the middle of the lair.

"So you're back from the dead again, huh?" Roy said with a hint of wonder in his voice.

"It appears so", the person answered.

"You better not do anything like that ever again, Oliver. Seriously, it's not good for any of us", Roy stated dead serious but the glance he threw Felicity's way said who was the one who had taken Oliver's death the hardest.

"Not planning to", Oliver answered.

"Ollie?"

They all turned to see Laurel standing on the last step of the stairs, staring Oliver with confused eyes. The look however faded when Oliver's expression turned angry.

"What are you wearing? Were you running around the Glades risking your life?"

"I know what I'm doing, Ollie. I'm a grown woman and I've been trained", Laurel answered with flames in her eyes stepping down from the stairs and came closer to where Oliver and Roy were standing.

"Trained? No, you haven't. Not properly. You're not ready yet, Laurel, you can't…"

"Don't tell her what to do and what to not do. Laurel's doing as I have seen best so if you have anything to say on the matter, say it to me", Felicity's quiet voice came from the computer area where she was still sitting on her chair observing the scene unfolding before her.

"Felicity?" Oliver asked, the tone of his voice uncertain.

Felicity stood up, snatched her bag and jacket from the chair next to her computers and made her way to where Oliver was. She stared him straight into eye and said with a quiet voice. "You weren't here, Oliver. You went and got yourself killed… or so we were told by Malcolm Merlyn. We didn't know where to go from there and pretty much the only thing we did know was that we had to continue fighting for this city. And with Diggle being more home with Sara than here, we needed to let Laurel start fighting beside us. And it was the right choice. She may be new to this whole vigilante-ing thing, still hell-bent on catching Sara's killer and yeah, she's still a beginner if compared to you or Roy but she's got skills and we really needed those skills."

Felicity closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Her expression didn't give away her feelings when she said with a calm voice. "You weren't here when we needed you so we did what we had to. So don't you dare to go and accuse Laurel for going and risking her life when you were the one who willingly went to get yourself killed, no matter how noble your reasons were."

With that being said, Felicity walked away, shutting the door after her. And even if it didn't close with a loud bang, the quietness made it worse and all the more final.

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><p><em>Song list:<em>

_Tove Lo - Scream My Name_

_Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles_  
><em>Sara Bareilles - Love Song<em>  
><em>Christina Aguilera - Fighter<em>  
><em>Beyoncé - Run the World (Girls)<em>  
><em>Sara Bareilles - Gravity<em>  
><em>Linkin Park - Numb<em>  
><em>Avril Lavigne - Bad Reputation<em>

_MIA - Bad Girls_

_[Not beta'd, so all the mistakes are mine. Review, follow, you know what to do if you've liked the story so far. If you have a prompt, drop it in my askbox on tumblr or in a review here or on ao3. I'm taivasmeri on all those sites.]_


	4. Donna Smoak, meet Quentin Lance

_Thanks for reading! This is set to happen during the summer between s3 and s4. So some speculation and hopeful dreaming there. I'd love to know what you think about this drabble._

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><p>The heat wave that hit Starling City that summer was barely bearable. Felicity had AC blasting in her tiny car (which still had some blood stains on the back seat that had never really faded, no matter how much she tried to scrub them off) and the radio was on some random channel, playing a song that vaguely sounded like Fall Out Boy's Thnks fr th Mmrs. She hummed along it while finding a place on the parking lot and parking.<p>

Her mother was already waiting outside the airport building, sitting on her suitcase and reading a magazine. When she raised her gaze from the magazine's pages and spotted Felicity walking toward her, she waved enthusiastically and jammed the magazine into her handbag.

She walked straight to Felicity, surprisingly fast given that she wore four inch high heels (but then, Felicity's mother had been walking in that high shoes so long that she had perfected walking in them into art) and threw her arms around her daughter, letting her bag fall on the pavement.

"Oh my beautiful girl, I have missed you!"

"Mom… you're kinda hugging me… tight."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited and happy to see you. You haven't called me in a while, I was starting to worry, you know."

Felicity sighed. "I'm okay, mom. I've just been busy and… stuff."

Donna Smoak's eyes narrowed instantly on the word 'stuff'. "Honey, the last time you used the word 'stuff' like that, you were having boy trouble. So, who's the lucky guy?"

Felicity didn't say anything for a while, just stared at her mother, cursing every god listening to her for making her mother so intuitive when it came to her and her lovelife.

"Can we please not do this right here, right now? I'm happy to see you, I really am, but I don't think this is the right place to have this kind of conversation. And I also promised to swing by precinct before we go and have lunch."

"Ohhh, okay. But don't think you're off the hook." Donna said with a glee and waved her to show the way to her car.

Felicity thanked the lucky stars because Donna Smoak was one persistent and hard headed woman when she wanted to be and if she wanted she could have made Felicity have the 'boyfriend talk' in front of the airport building in the suffocating heat.

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><p>Donna decided to follow Felicity inside the precinct building no matter how hard Felicity had tried to convince her mother to stay in the car and wait for her because she wouldn't stay there long.<p>

When they walked inside, Felicity literally collided with something very brick wall like.

"Felicity? What are you doing here?" Oh no, dear God, don't let it be him. Any other time would be okay but not now when her mother was right behind her.

"Oliver. What are _you_ doing here?" She said with narrowed eyes, trying to tell him that her mother was right there and he had to behave.

"Oh, Laurel told me that you'd be here because Captain Lance had told her so when she had called him half an hour ago and I thought that I'd see you here but now I'm thinking that maybe…" Oliver rambled.

"Oliver, it's okay, I was just surprised." She smiled and stepped aside so that Oliver noticed her mother.

"Mom, you remember Oliver Queen, right?" Felicity said to her and gestured toward Oliver.

"It's nice to meet you again, miss Smoak. How are you?" Oliver said, turning his full charm on and shook Donna's hand.

"I'm fine, Oliver, thank you."

Before Donna could say more, Felicity rushed to explain. "We came to see Captain Lance actually and he's probably really busy so we should head up to see what he wanted me for…"

"I'm in no hurry, I'll accompany you there, if it's not trouble?" He said, looking innocent.

Felicity's eyes narrowed again but she shrugged and turned to head to the stairs. "_Fine_, you can come."

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><p>"Hi, Captain. You called?"<p>

"I did. I've got a file you should probably read through, might find something interesting there." Quentin Lance smiled at her and reached for a file on the right side of his desk.

When he raised his gaze again, he saw a slightly older replica of Felicity standing in the doorway with Oliver Queen of all the people in Starling behind her.

Felicity noticed what - or actually who - he was looking at and gestured between them. "Mom, Quentin Lance. Captain, Donna Smoak."

Quentin stood up from behind his desk and walked around it while Donna walked closer.

"Nice to meet you, mr. Lance." Donna said, offering her hand.

"Please, it's Quentin. Lovely to meet the person who raised a strong woman like you daughter." He said with a rare smile, shaking hands with her.

"Oh, you can call me Donna. And thank you. Tell me, how long have you known Oliver Queen?" She whispered conspiringly.

"The Queen boy, huh? Ages, I s'pose."

"Well then, if you're free in the evening you should come by Felicity's and have dinner with us. The 'Queen boy' is going to be there too and you can tell me all the stories about him."

Felicity had a shocked look on her face and she was a bit terrified when she asked: "A dinner at my place? I thought that it was going to be just you and me tonight?"

"It was, honey, but I thought that it would be nice to get to know your boyfriend properly and what better way to do that than hear about him from a handsome man who has known the boy for a long time." Donna stated.

"_Mother_! How- how did you know that-?"

"That you two were together? I am your mother, Felicity. I also have eyes and I'd have to be blind to not see the way that boy looks at you, like you are his personal sun."

When Felicity glanced at Oliver, he was still standing in the doorway, smiling gently like he didn't mind that her mother had just basically outed them in front of Lance.

"So it's settled then? Dinner at Felicity's at, let's say, 7:00 P.M.?" Donna asked Quentin.

"Wouldn't miss it, after all I'd be pretty stupid to say no to such a beautiful woman." Lance grinned and Donna smirked, clapping her hands.

"Excellent! Now, Felicity, let's get some lunch in that place you've mentioned many times. Oliver, you are free to join us if you're not busy."

Felicity was frozen silently where she was for a while before walking to Oliver, taking his hand in hers and leading them out of Captain Lance's office.

"Please tell me that my mom and Captain didn't just flirt with each other?" she muttered to him.

"You know that I can't lie to you." He answered to her and kissed the top of her head when she groaned out loud.

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><p><em>[Not beta'd, so all the mistakes are mine. Review, follow, you know what to do if you've liked the story so far. If you have a prompt, drop it in my askbox on tumblr or in a review here or on ao3. I'm taivasmeri on all those sites.]<em>


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